Endorphinated

I worked out a couple of hours ago and I'm pretty sure I'm still feeling the post-work out endorphins.  Normally when I feel like this, I really want to be social and interact with people.  However, I'm really not in the position to do that right now because I'm alone and the four people I just called are out at dinner.  I'm taking that as a sign to do something by myself that will also satisfy my urge to communicate and interact with others.  That's why after my fourth failed call, I navigated my web browser to Blogger.com.

I don't really have much to talk about or a specific topic, so we'll see where this post goes.

I guess one thing that I can talk about is my attempt at trying to live a healthy and wholesome life(style).  One of my goals right now is to try to establish a pattern for myself (in terms of exercising, eating, socializing, etc.) that doesn't result in me experiencing these high and low waves of emotions and stress.  It's hard to explain, but it's really difficult for me to realize when I'm starting to "downward spiral."  It's very easy for me to hit a high or a low, and I think that I'd be much happier if I was just a "happy medium."

One thing that I think that I can do to address this issue is to have more routine in my life.  I used to be very regimented, but since graduating college, I've kind of let that all go (I say this with a big grin on my face).  I have some friends that argue that this, this is the time to bum around.  But there's that little communist solider in me that wishes I would just wake up the first time my alarm goes off, not two hours after the fact.  Truth is, my days are long and my days are short, depending on work.  But I can't always use work as an excuse.  I love waking up early (8-9a) and having the rest of the day be mine.  Whenever I sleep in until noon, I feel like I've lost an entire day of my life where I could have been productive, or had a day to relax.  In all, I just need more routine in my life.

Routine can be healthy.  Exercising can also be healthy.  And I'm glad, because I enjoy exercising.  I don't talk about this a lot to people who aren't my closest friends, but I had a lot self-esteem/body conscious/weight issues in college that have carried over into my gap year.  To put it briefly (as I'm cringing as I type this), the Freshman Fifteen ain't no lie.  In my case it was the Freshman Fifteen plus Five.  But with a lot of good lifestyle adjustments, I lost all of that weight over a four to five month period after my freshman year (THANK YOU JESUS).  My weight and self-esteem have an inverse relationship, and just until recently I've been able to manage both entities.  I'd say right the two are at an equilibrium, and I'm working really hard to keep it that way.  Which means that I'm going to need to stick to working out regularly...

I've come full circle now in this post, but I don't know how to end it now!  I guess I can say that this post was kind of relaxing and fun to write.  I wrote a lot more than I expected, so now it's time for me to watch some Netflix.

Bye

S

Hopefully a Strong Return to Blogging!

I just revamped the blog: new font, new colors, new background, etc.  I think that in all, it reflects a happier side of me, rather than a melancholy one.  My previous blog background (the weird wrapped roses) felt a little too generic and I thought that I was digging a little too deep for the artsy fartsy me...which is a piece of me that exists in a very small way.

I also spruced up the blog by removing some old posts--mainly sad ones.  I couldn't even make myself read those past posts where I talked about going in and out of a mild depression.  That "me" happens when I'm most vulnerable and in retrospect, I'm not really comfortable exposing that side of myself, at the moment...on this blog...even though I'm pretty sure no one ever reads this...especially since this blog is more of a therapeutic means for me.  I have absolutely no target audience...or audience, in general.

Lastly, I come back to the blog as a changed person.  On December 9th, I interviewed at my top choice medical school and on February 1st, I was offered a spot in the incoming 2012 class.  I'm so grateful, happy, and completely blown away by this accomplishment.  Although a lot of people (my big support network) came out of the wood works and commented on this amazing news as being nothing out of the ordinary for me, I have to say, I'm so surprised and incredibly happy with this outcome and finally feel at peace with myself.  I'd like to blog about this more, but I'm not in the mood for a super long detailed post, at the moment.

To round this post off, I'm trying to set some new goals for myself, in terms of blogging.
-I want to blog more, as much as possible.  I am a truly sentimental person and I don't want to forget my experiences, good or bad.
-And on that note, I need to refrain from deleting posts.  Sometimes when I re-read what I've written a few weeks post-post, I cringe and feel so awkward.  But I think I just need to embrace that feeling.  I can't change what I felt in the past, so there's no reason for me to hide it, or erase any evidence of it. 

That's it!

Adios,

S